brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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