For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
