SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
