i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
