I think I died a long time ago.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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