cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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