Will you blow on my dice?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
