nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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