I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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