Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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