Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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