I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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