Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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