i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
