first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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