worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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