I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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