NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
