I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
