All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
