Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You left your phone here
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