girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
