omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
