You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
