I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
