it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
