Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
