I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize