Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
