Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
