She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
