i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
