I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
