If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
