I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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