think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
