Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
