I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
