I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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