Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
