She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
