i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
