WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
