apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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