he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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