i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
