it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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