Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
birth control should be required to get into college
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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