I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
