Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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