If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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