My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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