Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
