whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
