Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
