guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Pants are for mortals
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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