If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
