I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
