Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
