Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
