What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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