just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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