once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
