If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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