Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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