do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
