my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
