I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize