When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
COCAINE IS GR8
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
