ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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