This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
