So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
