so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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