WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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