Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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