You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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