I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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