wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
