I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
