I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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