ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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