Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
