Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
