Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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