I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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