im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When did angry sex become our thing?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
