4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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